Depression Pink Glass

I don’t really know how to describe it… I’ve been feeling strange for the past few days, as if I’m in limbo between a dream and reality. I’ve never felt like this before in my life, and it’s a pretty scary experience; I’m not hallucinating or anything like that, but I just feel out of it. When I look around, it’s as if I’m in a movie; everything seems to have a lack of substance and appears hazy. I read up on derealization and I suppose what I’m feeling relates to that more than anything else. Though (due to OCD and high levels of anxiety), I worry myself sick over the possibility of other serious mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia and what not, and am deathly afraid that I might be losing my mind. That thought frightens me more than anything else, and I picture myself in a loony bin, staring out the window at a life I’ll never experience again, which brings tears to my eyes. I’m mentally and physically exhausted from the lack of sleep I’ve been getting, and so I finally went to see my doctor on Tuesday. I told him everything, but he highly doubts I’m schizophrenic (he had a mother who was, and had been around a few others), and instead thinks it’s just a matter of sleep deprivation. He handed me three boxes of Seroquel in 50 mg (which he did explain were used for psychotic patients) to get me back on a regular sleeping pattern, and sent me on my way. Still, I wasn’t convinced, and that night around 7:00, I took a pill and hopped in bed, hoping that it would work. After about half an hour (that’s the approximate time it usually takes to kick in), I finally drifted off, but only for about 6:00 hours. Around 1:00, I woke up, went pee, had a glass of water, and then went back to bed. Finally, it was around 8:00 when I awoke again, a reasonable time to get up, pounding headache, dry mouth and all; it was so uncomfortable. The worst part is that I was still tired, and felt that same derealization affect. Again, I went back to sleep, and this time (even without the medication), I slept til’ around 7:00. Again though; no real difference. Exhaustion was only lessened a bit, but the derealization seemed to be getting even worse. Now, here I am, 1:30 in the morning, writing this (I already took my pill), unable to fall asleep. I’m at a loss, and am really unsure about what to do. I feel like breaking down, because it’s just too much. Any help would be much appreciated, assuming anyone takes the time to read all this. Thanks in advance.

Oh, and also (I’m not sure if this is relevant or not; I assume it’s related to anxiety and lack of sleep), I’ve been experiencing some pretty bad headaches and feeling cold when I really shouldn’t be. Another thing worth mentioning would be that my sex drive is at an all time low, and when I do manage to ejaculate (only once or twice since I started feeling like this), it’s not nearly as pleasurable, and neither are other daily activitites in which once brought me joy; music, movies, televsion, etc. I’m just totally depressed, and I’m starting to wonder if this is indeed related to depression (I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time, but never the derealization), or if I really am starting to go crazy? Again, thanks.

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